now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
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