I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
