she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
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