You smell like a Billy Joel song
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
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