I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Shitshow foam night was such a success
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
