Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
