I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
