I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
