yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
