Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
