Kiss
Puke
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
