I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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