Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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