Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
