So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
it's like iHOP with fire
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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