No subtext here. People are naked.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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