I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
