I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize