Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize