Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
