You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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