You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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