Don't make out with my wife yet
she told me i tasted like america
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
