and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
