I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
