Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Michael Bay diarrhea
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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