Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
