man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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