After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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