Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
