hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
