but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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