I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Randomize
