he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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