went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
