her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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