He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
