Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
