Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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