you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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