I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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