does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
