Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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