i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
