Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
