Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize