C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
