What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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