Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
