woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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