His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
