is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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