Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
