On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
