pedialite and red bull = repair kit
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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