I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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