I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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