Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
