Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
Randomize
