How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
