it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
