Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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