one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
