1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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