It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
He felt like a one man threesome
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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