Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
