just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We left the knife in your bed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
