Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
That was an excessively violent trivia night
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Randomize
