I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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