Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
